I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
