so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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