Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
