Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
