So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
