I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
