Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
