do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
