My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
there is glitter all over my balls
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
