Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize