Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
