i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
