There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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