there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize