just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
