I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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