Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
