Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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