Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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