We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
