dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
