fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
