There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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