I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
