Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
