Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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