She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
