I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize