so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
