you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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