There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
