Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
