At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
