He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
