The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
