I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
