im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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