Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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