I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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