Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
