when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
