you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
