We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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