Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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