Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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