literally had 100 drinks last night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
