hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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