just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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