Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
