Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
