dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize