their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
