I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm too high and old for this...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
