I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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