This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
