So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
