maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize