ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
