apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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