dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
