I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
