if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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