we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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