I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
