the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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