Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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