so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
