i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
