yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
