I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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