hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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