I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
