***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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