It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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