Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to make out with him forever
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
