First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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