she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
